


Forever for you

by Lindseypatd



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 21:26:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11090244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lindseypatd/pseuds/Lindseypatd
Summary: Ryan lost Brendon, and he's heartbroken





	Forever for you

"He was beautiful. He carried himself with grace. Everybody who met him was impressed by his beauty and the way he walked, like he's floating. He moved so gracefully, smooth sure movements. Impressed by his beautiful smile and his happiness. But I knew better and I was impressed by different reasons."

Ryan let out a shaky breath as he continued. 

"I was impressed with the way he carried himself with so much strength. I was impressed with the way he walked around like nothing was wrong and smiled with reassurance that he was fine. He reminded me of a rose in the winter. A beautiful black rose. He always stood out between the rest of them with his beauty. But nobody knew how he broke down as soon as he closed his front door. Nobody knew about the scars on his thighs or arms." 

Ryan had to stop another time, to wipe away the tears. He closes his eyes for a moment, taking another deep breath and thinking back to one of the days they spent together.  
***  
"Brendon i'm home!" I called out from the hallway in my apartment. Brendon and I weren't officially living together, but he was more at my apartment than his own home.  
"Hi babe, in the kitchen!"  
He called out and i smiled. I quickly took off my jacket and hung it up, put down my keys and make my way to the kitchen. As I enter I stop for a second to admire the beautiful boy standing there, eating his stupid bowl of cereal. I lean against the wall with my arms crossed over my chest. Brendon was never aware of his own beauty but I sure was. He stood there in his basketball shorts, no shirt and bed hair. I guess he didn't get up when I was at work. His flawless smooth skin, his v-line coming out above the shorts and his messy dark brown hair sticking in every direction possible. God I'm so lucky. He then looks up from his cereal, shooting me the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. I push myself away from the wall and walk over to him, grabbing his bowl of cereal and putting it down on the counter.  
"Hi there beautiful"  
I whispered as I pulled him closer to me, lips brushing against his. He just smiles and leans in further to kiss me.  
***

Ryan quickly pushes the memory to the back of his head, needing to go on with his speech. Another tear slides down his cheek. 

"Nobody knew about the tears he let out every single night. Why didn't he just tell them that he wasn't happy ? Nobody seemed to care, that's why."  
Ryan spat out with slight venom, the thought of brendons friends not giving a fuck made him angry. 

"Of course he tried telling his friends but they never cared enough to listen. So he stopped caring too. Every day he woke up, put on a mask and left his house to start his day. He never failed to make everyone happy. He always did just that, making sure that everyone around him was happy and smiling. Making sure everyone was pleased but never took the time to care about himself. His dark thoughts sometimes became too much but he had no one to talk to. So he slept, he slept the pain away and fell asleep with the wish of not waking up the next day. When I met him I kinda knew that something was not alright. We became best friends and eventually we became boyfriends. I really thought he was feeling slightly better everyday we spent together, but apparently he didn't want to bother me with his problems, he thought that I would leave him. But Brendon, I loved you so much and I still do. I still love you very much and I will always love you. Yes I read you letter, asking me to move on from your death. I will Brendon, I eventually will but give me time okay ? Don't think I didn't notice that you were talking less, eating less, you even stayed at your own home not sleeping with me in my bed anymore. When your mom called me to tell me that you were dead that following morning I completely broke down baby... It hurts me so much but I know that you tried, god you've been trying for so long. I know how hard it was and I understand that Bren, I understand that it became too much. But now you're gone and I start realizing how much I actually need you. I will never be mad at you for doing this, I will never say that it was selfish or stupid because I knew. I always knew. So that's why I'm standing here with these black roses, your favorites. There are 12 roses and one is made of plastic. Brendon I will love you till the last one dies."

Ryans voice cracks as he said the last word. His Brendon is gone and no one can bring him back. It hurts, it hurts him so much. 

"I wanted to give you these on our 4 year anniversary today but we didn't make it and that's okay. That's why I'm standing here telling you all of this. We promised each other forever and we will be okay ? Forever." 

Ryan wiped the streaming tears from his cheeks. God he was so broken. But he had to do this, let everything out. He stepped away from the microphone and walked over to Brendons closed coffin. He pressed the black roses close to his chest and smelled them.

"For you Brendon, forever for you."  
Ryan whispered.

Ryan put the flowers on the coffin, next to the picture of Brendon and Ryan together. Ryan was smiling down on Brendon and Brendon was looking up at him with his big smile and beautiful eyes glinstening in the sunlight. It was his favorite picture of them together, Ryan has a copy of it on his nightstand. He walked away from the coffin and sat down next to Brendons mother. "I'm proud of you Ry"  
she whispered at him and gave him a hug. Ryan shot her a sad smile. Never had he imagined for their 4th anniversary to be like this ...


End file.
